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Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

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Be sure to check in with your children to see how they’re handling it, and make sure that an older child isn’t inadvertently left to deal with these adult issues. To prevent future disputes, negotiate and clearly outline the responsibilities and expenses related to extracurricular activities in the divorce or settlement agreement. Whether you’re going through co-parenting struggles or another matter entirely, Regain-based therapists would be more than thrilled to work with you. Include a detailed schedule of your children’s day throughout the week and the weekends, including holidays and vacations. When you’re co-parenting with your ex, it’s essential never to bring the children into your conflicts, as it can damage their emotional and mental development.

But when one considers the stress and emotional turmoil divorce can bring about in a child, the need for structure is even more vital. After all, if your ex-partner thinks that they’ve succeeded in pissing you off, they’ll feel like they “won”, and really, that’s the last thing that you want.Foster A Neutral Environment: Create a safe and neutral environment for the children by refraining from discussing adult issues or conflicts in their presence.

Keep in mind that there is a possibility that your ex is talking about artificial things “concerning your children” just so they get to stay in touch with the other co-parent. Gaslighting is a dangerous form of manipulation where someone acts in such a way that you start doubting your perceptions, your memory or your own judgment.Once you become aware of what is happening, a lot of the readings you do puts your ex at the centre - and quite frankly as much as I tried to be compassionate - my ex is not the one who needs my help, love and support right now. Make sure to document everything, including if they are ever late to pick up the kids, what your kids ate when they were there, if they asked you to change the schedule, etc. There are many benefits of self-care, as it can help reduce stress, increase focus, and improve physical well-being. A separation or divorce is never easy on kids, and they’ll need lots of love and reassurance to help them through the transition.

Give yourself time to learn the ropes, and don’t beat yourself up if everything isn’t immediately smooth sailing. Put Your Children First The most important thing to remember when co- parenting is to prioritize your children’s well-being. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. Establish Clear Boundaries: Include explicit language in the judgment or agreement that prohibits both parents from denigrating or speaking negatively about each other in the presence of the children. Parallel parenting is a form of positive parenting approach that allows you to parent your children the way you wish when they are in your custody and do not interfere with how your ex parents them when they are in theirs.Unfortunately, this sometimes means that you will have to ignore or disengage from your ex’s antics and attempts to create chaos. Having caregivers who can manage it effectively teaches children that not only is conflict okay, but that it can be overcome.

With co-parenting, you’d likely communicate often, share decision-making and negotiate among yourselves when it comes to changes in schedules or the needs of your children. When you’re co-parenting with someone toxic, the best thing to do is try and stay focused on your children rather than the conflict you are experiencing with your ex. L.Baker: Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex - What to do when your ex-spouse tries to turn the kids against you and, Surviving Parental Alienation a journey of hope and healing. The more details you put into the plan, the less likely of a chance you will endure your toxic ex making a big fuss about scheduling.They might have their own opinions and ideas about what’s happened, and you should listen to them without interrupting or feeling the need to be defensive.

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